


Why Are You My Remedy?

by haikyuuliberos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adulthood, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Physical Therapist!Oikawa, Post-Canon, Professional Player!Daichi, Professional Player!Ushijima, Slow Burn, Web Designer!Iwaizumi, can it be slow burn if its a oneshot??? lol, only a little angst dont worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuuliberos/pseuds/haikyuuliberos
Summary: People fall out of touch.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello! This is my IwaOi Gift Exchange work for  tooru-nee  on tumblr :) i hope you like it!
> 
> ~ also a MASSIVE thank you to  mooniva  for beta-ing! they did WONDERS with this fic and are so kind, go follow them :)

After high school, they lost touch.  The excuses ranged from volleyball to doing school work, making friends and trying to get enough sleep.  The empty promises of “talking soon” became more frequent than actual conversations.  The phone calls lessened after a few months, but the texts took much longer.  Late night conversations diminished to a shallow 'Hey, it's been awhile. How are you?' which received a similarly halfhearted, vague reply. The most painful part was the insecurity of this now awkward relationship. A true desire to talk was always stifled by doubt as the number of deleted draft messages grew and grew. Eventually they stopped texting altogether, losing each other's numbers as time passed. But that's what happens; people fall out of touch..

 

“That should be the last of it,” Oikawa grunts, setting a box down on his new dining table.  He wipes his hands on the front of his shirt and grins up at Daichi.

“Thank _god_ ,” Daichi exasperated with a laugh.  “I honestly thought we were done for with the couch.”

“Yeah, I was ready to throw it out after it didn’t fit in the elevator,” Oikawa jokes.  “Seriously though, thanks.”

“Anytime,” Daichi says.  “You need anything else?”

Oikawa surveys his new apartment, littered with boxes and furniture.  “I think I’ll be fine setting up on my own.  Plus, you’re going to be late to practice if you stay any longer.”

“No I-” Daichi turns towards the clock.  “Shit.  I _am_ going to be late.”

“Get going, Dai-chan,” Oikawa pushes Daichi towards the door.  “Or Honda-san will be giving you an earful.  Thanks again!”  Daichi sputters some sort of goodbye, but Oikawa closes the door quickly and leans against it with a sigh.  He has piles of unboxing and arranging to get through, and though there’s absolutely no way he will get through it all in the rest of the day, he wants to get a head start so he can focus on work later.   _Or my failing social life_ , he sardonically thinks to himself.

Ever since his retirement from the national team - retirement is what Oikawa calls it - his social life, well, plummeted.  He no longer went out for drinks or hung out after practices, and while he is still ‘friends’ with some of the players, he isn’t a part of their group anymore.  The truth is painful, but at least he doesn’t lie to himself.

He had gone back to school to get his degree in physical therapy and then completed his residency, where he was then hired to work for a therapy office focusing on athletes, which Oikawa finds perfect.  He was hired 2 months ago and decided to move closer to his work, nestled in the city.  In his short amount of time, he’s already connected with a few clients, and he feels like he is starting to find his place in life.

Although he’s no longer surrounded by large groups of friends, Oikawa realizes he’s happy.  He’s put his life back together, piece by piece, and is very fortunate.  He loves his job and… well, he loves his job.   _That’s all I need._

Before he realizes it, it’s 10:30 and even though he still has 4 boxes to go through, Oikawa’s grumbling stomach takes priority.  There’s no food in the fridge, so after a peek out his window, he chooses the next best thing: the little ramen place half a block away.  Grabbing his keys and phone, Oikawa slips out the door of his apartment and begins walking towards the elevator, looking down at his phone-

His shoulder hits something and his keys fly out of his hands.  He whirls around to see a man holding his shoulder.

“Sorry,” Oikawa grumbles, picking up his keys and throwing one last dirty glance over his shoulder; he stops in his tracks.  His eyes wander over the familiar broad shoulders and hazel eyes.

“Oikawa?” the man blinks.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa’s jaw drops.  “You.. you’re…”

“You live here?” Iwaizumi blurts out.  His shocked expression morphs into a huge grin and Oikawa leans into a hug - awkward, but still a hug - as he tries to process what just happened.  His best friend - _former_ best friend - lives in the same apartment as him?  The man he’s been too afraid to reach out to is standing right in front of him?

“Yeah,” Oikawa forces a laugh, pulling away.  “I just moved in today, with the help of a friend.”

“No way,” Iwaizumi runs a hand through his hair.  It’s slightly longer than when Oikawa last saw him, but it definitely suits him.  He still has that characteristic, slightly-lopsided grin that Oikawa is particularly fond of, and his build is muscular, though that doesn’t come as a surprise.  The only difference that Oikawa notices is a little glimmer the light catches off of his ear-

“You got an ear piercing?!” Oikawa gasps, lightly grabbing his ear _as if they hadn’t just met after not seeing each other for nearly a decade_.  “No way!”

“I lost a bet,” Iwaizumi replies defensively, covering his ear.  “I swear, I didn’t get this because I _wanted_ to.”

“Sure, sure, _Iwa-chan_ ,” Oikawa teases.  He’s suddenly quite breathless, and tries to ignore the racing of his heart as he locks eyes with Iwaizumi.

“What are you doing out so late?” Iwaizumi asks, leaning against the corridor wall.

“I was going to grab something to eat,” Oikawa says.  “Want to join?”

Iwaizumi shifts slightly, “I just went out, but we’ll make plans sometime… if that’s okay?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa agrees, pushing away the sinking feeling in his stomach - it was the text messages all over again.  “We’ll definitely catch up.”

“Good,” Iwaizumi’s face breaks into a smile.  “See ya’ around, Oikawa.”  

Oikawa walks away before he can do something stupid, _feel_ something stupid, and presses the elevator button with a little too much force.  How, of all the people in the world, had his former best friend become his neighbor?

“Goddammit,” Oikawa rubs his temple, stepping onto the elevator and pushing the button for the first floor.

Dinner should calm him down, he convinces himself.  He’s just hungry and a little worn-out from moving into his apartment, and this will help him get his head on straight.  But even after slurping noodles for thirty minutes, Oikawa feels just as overwhelmed as he did before.

The ramen does nothing to distract him from the onslaught of repressed memories. Memories of childhood adventures and volleyball practice. Especially the volleyball matches and all the pain they had endured _together_ \- Oikawa realizes how deeply his fingernails are digging into the palm of his hand and he grits his teeth in thought as he throws some money on the table and storms out of the restaurant.

The night air chills him, but he wanders around for a few blocks to calm down.  What is Iwaizumi doing with his life?  How is his family?  Does he - Oikawa lets out a shaky exhale - have a significant other?  Oikawa would assume that Iwaizumi probably has a girlfriend, but he doesn’t know how flexible he is on the sexuality scale.

How would he explain to Iwaizumi why he never contacted him?  Oikawa rubs his face with his hands, uncaring of the chill his fingertips spread to his cheeks.  He can just play it cool, after all; but would Iwaizumi call him out on it?

There is so much that could happen, so much that could _go wrong_ now that Iwaizumi has suddenly reappeared in his life, and Oikawa feels trapped.

 

After another awkward run-in with Iwaizumi, they set up a time to meet and catch up.  It’s set for a cafe a few blocks away, for 1:30 Friday afternoon.  Oikawa has a client beforehand, so they can’t walk over together, which is a secret blessing for Oikawa.  Although he truly does want to talk to Iwaizumi again, he doesn’t want to face his feelings from the past - feelings he’d rather leave pushed to the farthest corner of his wicked heart.

Oikawa finishes his appointment early and decides to get a jump on meeting Iwaizumi.  It’s only 1:00, but if he’s there first, he can at least settle in and calm down as much as possible.  Ignoring the buzzing in his veins, he strolls down the sidewalk, following the directions his phone spits out every so often, and forces a smile onto his face.   _Fake it ‘till you make it_ , he tells himself.

Walking into the coffee shop with a plastic grin, he nearly trips on his own feet when he sees Iwaizumi waiting in a booth, softly smiling at him with two coffees.  Oikawa can’t suppress the surprised squeak that leaves his mouth and slides into the booth with a bewildered expression.  Iwaizumi’s wearing a gray button down with a green tie that really brings out the color of his eyes, and it’s that moment that Oikawa nearly spins around and walks right out of the cafe.

“I figured you might be here early,” Iwaizumi chuckles.  “So I got you a green tea with extra honey, if I remember correctly.”

“ _Black_ tea,” Oikawa replies quietly, hiding his smirk with the back of his hand as he resolves himself to stay.  His plan utterly fails when Iwaizumi’s grin bends into a frown, and Oikawa bursts out laughing, a deep roar that calms the fluttering in his stomach.  “Just kidding, Iwa-chan.  You remembered!”

“Of course I did,” Iwaizumi acts offended, but they both laugh more.  Nostalgia fills Oikawa and he smiles into his cup, not wanting to look up at Iwaizumi and face his piercing eyes.  “How are you?”

“Such a loaded question,” Oikawa snorts before taking a sip of his tea.  Iwaizumi rolls his eyes - _how characteristic_ \- and Oikawa puts his cup down.  “I’m doing well.  You?”

“Good,” Iwaizumi nods his head, swishing his cup around.

“What are you doing now?” Oikawa asks.  “I know you were majoring in accounting…”

“I actually switched to graphic design,” Iwaizumi admits with a bright grin.   _Oh, that grin_.  The one that he used to wear after Seijou scored a fantastic point, the one he wore at graduation… there were too many emotions behind that smile, and Oikawa didn’t know if he was going to last the rest of their meeting.  “...and during my senior year, I created a website with a classmate and we’ve been really successful, actually.”

“No way!” Oikawa gasps.  “What site?”

“5-Minute-Match-Up,” Iwaizumi says.  “We call it ‘FYMU’ for short… I dunno why.  It’s this thing - we were drunk when we thought of it, okay-”

Oikawa interrupts with a laugh, “Oh, god.”

“Hear me out!” Iwaizumi holds his hands out.  “You go on anonymously and type in a subject you both like-”

“This sounds like Omegle,” Oikawa snickers.

“ _But_ ,” Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows.  “There’s no dick pics _and_ it’s timed for 5 minutes before you get a new partner.”

“No dick pics!” Oikawa laughs.  “What’s a website without a few dick pics?”

“Good point,” Iwaizumi grinned.  “It took off at our college for some reason, and a lot of Japan uses it now.  We’re still managing it, actually, and talking about extending it internationally.”

“And you’re making money off this?!”

“Mhm,” Iwaizumi took a sip of his drink.  “It’s a great deal.”

“No kidding,” Oikawa replies, shaking his head slightly.

“Enough about me,” Iwaizumi changes the subject easily.  “What about you?”

“Well,” Oikawa hums.  “I attended college for 2 years before being recruited by the national team and retired after 3 years…”

“Retired?” Iwaizumi narrows his eyes slightly.

Oikawa ignores his look and continues, “Yes, _retired_.  And then I went back to school, got my degree in physical therapy, completed my residency and here I am now!”

“So you got picked up right out of college,” Iwaizumi comments.  “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa smiles at the memory.  “Me and Dai-chan got recruited together.”

“Dai-chan?” Iwaizumi snorts.  “As in Sawamura Dai _chi_?”

“Yeah.  He became a libero in college and since their reserve libero had gotten hurt, they needed a new one and they chose Daichi of all people.  So we played together for what… 5 years?”

“You know, I thought I saw him the other day,” Iwaizumi says.

“Probably,” Oikawa agrees.  “He helped me move in.  He’s actually super nice - well, the whole team is.”

“Isn’t Ushiwaka on the national team?”

“Ugh,” Oikawa rolls his eyes.  “Yes.”

“And?” a sly grin plays on Iwaizumi’s lips, and Oikawa groans.

“We’re not _friends_ , and we never will be,” he cringes.  “But we were decent teammates.  Daichi kept us under control.”

“ _Us_ ?” Iwaizumi stifles a laugh.  “Do you mean _you_?”

“Fine.”

“That’s what I thought,” he chuckles.  “But physical therapy, huh?  That’s awesome.  Honestly, I thought you were going to do something with astronomy or biology.”

“Me too,” Oikawa says.  “I switched once I got back to school… it just appealed to me, I guess, and I’m glad I switched.”

“Well then, I’m happy for you,” Iwaizumi replies.  Everything about him is so genuine - it always has been - and Oikawa can feel his resilience crumbling.

“Any _girls_ in your life?” Oikawa leans in, hiding his fear beneath a playful grin.  “Or _boys_ , Iwa-chan?”

“No,” Iwaizumi scoffs.  “I’ve been single for a while… 7 or 8 months now?”

“Oh, so there _was_ something?” A sharp pain cuts through Oikawa’s chest as he says the words, and he can feel his smile falter.

“There was a girl, but we kind of drifted apart,” Iwaizumi shrugs.  “Oh, dare I ask, Trashykawa, but what have you been up to?”

“A few girls, a guy or two,” Oikawa forces a smirk.  He wasn’t lying - drunken hookups weren’t uncommon after tournaments - and he wasn’t particularly proud of them, but the idea of ‘settling down’ had never occurred to him.

“You haven’t changed,” Iwaizumi shakes his head with a sigh.  Oikawa laughs and grabs Iwaizumi’s wrist with jittery fingers, grasping tightly to conceal his nervousness.

“You haven’t either,” he says quietly.  They stare at each other for a few moments, Iwaizumi sliding his hand into Oikawa’s fingers before Oikawa grins and yanks away.  “You’re still ugly!”

“Am not!” Iwaizumi retorts, mussing Oikawa’s hair before he can react.  Oikawa squawks indignantly and covers his chest with an offended hand.

“And mean,” Oikawa pouts.

“Me?  Never!”  

Oikawa slides out the booth and stands, tilting his chin up as Iwaizumi quickly follows suit.  Oikawa ignores him till they exit the restaurant and is selfishly satisfied when he sees Iwaizumi’s face: perplexed and slightly concerned.  That’s when he comes up with a brilliantly stupid plan.

“I have a proposal for you, Iwa-chan.”  Oikawa spins around to face Iwaizumi and realizes just how close they’re standing.  If he leans down slightly, his nose would touch Iwaizumi’s.

“I’m listening.”

“I’m having a get-together at my place tomorrow night,” Oikawa says.  “Some friends, alcohol… it’ll be fun.”

“Alright,” Iwaizumi nods.  “What time?”

“8.”

“I’ll be there,” Iwaizumi grins.  “But only for the drinks.”

“Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi laughs and begins walking away.  “It was nice catching up, so… see you tomorrow.”

“See you,” Oikawa smiles, heading the opposite direction.  As soon as he turns away, his smile morphs into a horrifying frown as he mentally scolds himself.

How is he going to throw a party together in less than a day?

 

“Daichi, I’m _fucked_ ,” Oikawa laments, pulling his hair.  Daichi sits in front of him, obviously suppressing a smirk, as he watches Oikawa torment himself in the middle of his living room.

“That’s what you get for trying to woo your former-best friend-turned-crush,” Daichi replies smoothly.

“You are not helping!” Oikawa shrieks, before pausing.  “And _excuse me_?”

“Just teasing,” Daichi shrugs.

“No - he’s not…” he trails off and buries his head in his hands.  “I’m useless.”

“No you’re not,” Daichi stands up and pats him on the shoulder.  “So what made you want to throw a party anyways?”

“Ehh, well...”

“Ahh,” Daichi trails off, giving Oikawa a knowing smile.  “You can make things work with Iwaizumi if you’re patient and don’t screw things up.”

“Of course I’m going to screw something up!  I’m a walking fuck-up!” Oikawa bitterly replies into his palms.

“No, you’re not,” Daichi reassures.  “You focus on taking your time with Iwaizumi and I’ll help get this stupid party together.  Plus, I think you two have a chance.  Neither of you are playing volleyball anymore, since you-”

Oikawa cuts Daichi off, “Why would you do this for me?”

“So you have to pay me back later,” Daichi says, pulling out his phone.

“You’re terrible!” Oikawa jokingly gasps, before standing up and hugging Daichi.  “Just kidding, you’re the best.  I’ll clean up and start getting stuff for tomorrow.”

“Okay.  I can get Kuroo to bring a ton of drinks if you need it, too,” Daichi adds.

“Kuroo won’t stop bothering me for _eons_ if he helps out,” Oikawa grumbles.  “But that’s fine.”  Oikawa begins rearranging his house and making a shopping list as Daichi makes phone calls.  He needs cups, food, snacks, lights, a speaker, more drinks-

“So far, 23 people are definitely coming,” Daichi grins, emerging from the den.

“23?!” Oikawa beams.  “You’re a gem!  A popular one, too.  When did you get so many friends?”

“I’ve always been popular, Oikawa.”

“I probably just rubbed off on you,” he jokes.  “Seriously, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Mhm,” Daichi smirks.  “I’ve gotta get going now, but don’t worry about it too much.  Plus, Kuroo and I can come over early to help out if you need it.”

“That would be great,” Oikawa admits.  He and Daichi say goodbye, and Oikawa finishes his list before leaving his apartment and hitting the store.

24 hours later, Oikawa finds himself in the middle of his apartment, plugging a borrowed loudspeaker into the wall and hooking it up with his phone.  Kuroo and Daichi are in the kitchen setting up food and drinks (Kuroo brought a _ton_ of alcohol, and Oikawa is actually a little concerned), and Oikawa realizes he is eternally grateful (and eternally in debt to them).  It’ll only be a little while until guests start showing up, but he’s actually not too nervous.

Within the next half hour, people begin to flood into the apartment; between the blasting music and chattering people, the apartment becomes deafeningly loud and Oikawa hands out drinks to everyone, introducing himself and flashing his trademark grin.  Girls and guys alike fill the apartment, but none of them matter to Oikawa - he’s waiting for Iwaizumi.

Just as he’s starting to lose hope, Oikawa catches a glimpse of Iwaizumi, but not before Daichi does.  Daichi walks over and shakes hands with the latter while Oikawa watches on in envy, spinning on his heel and grabbing two beers.  When he turns back around, Iwaizumi is walking towards him.

“I’m glad you made it!” Oikawa shouts, thrusting his arm out towards Iwaizumi.  With a relieved smile, Iwaizumi takes the beer and tilts his head back.

“This is pretty neat,” Iwaizumi comments.  “And a lot of people… I thought I even saw Ushiwaka?”

“He came with Semi,” Oikawa quickly replies, turning his head away as Iwaizumi laughs deeply.  They move to the side as two girls stumble towards Oikawa’s bathroom, dopey smiles on their faces as they walk past.  “It’s not like I _wanted_ him to come, but I felt _obligated_ to invite him.”

“Ah,” Iwaizumi lifts his eyebrows as he takes another sip.  He leans against the counter and Oikawa watches as the flashing lights from his den hit Iwaizumi’s back, bright pinks and blues dancing against his dark hair.  “It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a party.”

“Really?” Oikawa asks.

“Senior year of college was my last, I think,” Iwaizumi nods.  “And I vowed to never get that drunk again in my entire life.”  Oikawa laughs and takes another sip as Iwaizumi goes on to tell the story, something about him and his roommate getting completely wasted and running around Tokyo trying to chase a dog and find a 24/7 sushi restaurant.

Oikawa laughs throughout his story - genuine laughs - but his mind is racing as quickly as his heart as he sits next to Iwaizumi.  With every sip of their drinks they lean closer and closer together, and all Oikawa can focus on is Iwaizumi’s chiseled jawline and plump lips.  Oikawa’s thoughts become a little too erotic a little too quickly, and he pulls away.

“You know what,” Oikawa puts his beer down and grabs an unopened vodka glass.  “I need something stronger.”  
“Oi, Trashykawa,” Iwaizumi warns.  “You’re the host, you can’t be getting _too_ tipsy.”

“Yeah, well, it’s my fucking party.”  Oikawa takes a swig before the burn irritates his throat too much, and he sets it down with a cough.  Iwaizumi copies Oikawa, trading his beer for the vodka, and they pass it between them both a few more times.  At first, Oikawa feels fine - maybe a little giddy, but not flat-out drunk.

He should have remembered how little alcohol it actually takes to get him drunk, because within no time, he’s starting to feel dizzy and blurred.  He can barely hear Iwaizumi talking at this point and begins laughing loudly, grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand.

“Where are we going?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Dancing,” Oikawa slurs, dragging his friend through hoards of people (yeah, there’s definitely more than _23_ people in his apartment).  Iwaizumi just laughs, and Oikawa doesn’t even feel nervous when he realizes how tightly he’s gripping Iwaizumi’s hand, their fingers intertwined in the most perfect way.  How it should be.

Oikawa doesn’t have a care in the world once the alcohol settles in, buzzing in his veins and spreading a smile on his face as he dances with Iwaizumi.  They’re bumping into other people, bumping into each other, and laughing so openly beneath the neon lights and thundering bass of the music.

 

Oikawa’s head is pounding as he slowly wakes up, narrowing his eyes as blinding light seeps through his windows.  He’s laying on his couch and sits up, rubbing his face and hoping the burning behind his eyes goes away soon.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” a voice says from a few feet away.  Startled, Oikawa leaps up to find Iwaizumi with a trash bag in hand, bending down to pick up a few cups.

“What time is it?” Oikawa mumbles.

“Almost noon.”

“What?!” Oikawa glances at the clock, proving Iwaizumi correct, and he’s suddenly overcome with guilt.  “Why are you still here?”

“I felt bad leaving you here by yourself to clean up,” Iwaizumi says.  “So I decided to clean up a bit.”  Besides a few cups still littered around the apartment, it does appear noticeably cleaner than it did after the guests had started arriving.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa sighs, walking towards him.  “You don’t have to do this.  I feel bad, now-”

“Don’t,” Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa’s shoulder and smiles softly.  “You were knocked out, and I didn’t want to just leave.  It’s alright, I promise - it’s not like I had anything to do today.”

“Let me at least-”

Iwaizumi cut him off quickly, “There’s aspirin and water on the kitchen table, and I’m nearly positive you have a hangover, so go sit for a few minutes and then you can help.”  Almost like a zombie, Oikawa walks over and snorts at the sight of the pills and water laying on the table; he quickly downs them both and sits at the table, his head still spinning as he tries to recall last night’s events.  The only thing he really remembers is taking shots with Iwaizumi, and the rest of it becomes a blur and he gives up.  They wouldn’t have done anything super out of control… right?  He stands up to help Iwaizumi, but it turns out the latter has already finished when Oikawa sees him piling the trash bags near the door.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” Oikawa reminds him.

“I know,” Iwaizumi replies.  “But I wanted to.”

“Hmm,” Oikawa hums.  “Iwa-chan, what happened last night?”

Iwaizumi stares at him for a moment, frowning slightly before tying the top of the bag in a knot.  “We talked, did some shots, danced, and then you passed out at around… 1, I think?  Most of the people had left by then, and then I woke up on the kitchen floor.”

“Kitchen floor?” Oikawa covers his snicker behind his hand.  “That sounds awful.”

“It was the most comfortable experience of my life,” Iwaizumi jokes, and the two share a laugh.  His eyes look a little distant, Oikawa notes, but he doesn’t say anything and processes the words.  Why didn’t Iwaizumi leave with the rest of the guests?

“Nothing happened, right?” Oikawa asks explicitly, just to be sure.

“No,” Iwaizumi chuckles.  

“Okay,” Oikawa says.  “That would be awkward.”

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi rubs the back of his neck.  “So, um, I should head out now, but I had fun.  Really.”  
“Me too,” Oikawa earnestly says, despite his dismay.  “We’ll hang out soon, right?”

“Definitely,” Iwaizumi waves as he slips out the apartment.  The click of the door is the last thing Oikawa hears before he suddenly feels very alone in his apartment, and he exhales deeply before sitting on his couch.

Oikawa is relieved that nothing serious happened between him and Iwaizumi, but he does realize his feelings for Iwaizumi are deeper than he would like.  All those bottled up emotions from high school come flooding back to life, and while he cares so deeply about Iwaizumi, he knows if he tries to make them a reality he’ll just mess it up and cause more pain than either of them deserve. So what would the point be to try to act on his feelings?

It’s hopeless, really.  It’s just as hopeless as it was back in high school, as it was during college when they slowly stopped talking, and it won’t ever change, Oikawa’s _sure_ of it.  Iwaizumi is just so many things: kind, intelligent, funny, talented, attractive, selfless - the list runs much longer in Oikawa’s head.  And what is Oikawa compared to him?

Oikawa leans his head back against the couch, visualizing last night as the memories become more vivid.  His hands all over Iwaizumi, Iwaizumi’s hands _all over him_ , their shared laughs and goofy smiles as they danced to the beat of the music and the drunken adrenaline that rushed his body.  No.  Oikawa wouldn’t think like that.   _Couldn’t_ think like that.  Iwaizumi was an old friend and nothing more.  But-

That’s when Oikawa gets another brilliant idea - this one is _much_ better than the party - he should just stop talking to Iwaizumi, to prevent from building up that little bundle of hope in his chest and to protect himself.  That would work - and it would have to.

 

It didn’t work.  A few days later, a knock on the door summons Oikawa and he opens it to find Iwaizumi standing there.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa blurts out, his chest tightening.

“Trashykawa,” Iwaizumi responds easily.  “I was wondering if you wanted to go to the park with me?”

“At-” Oikawa peeks his head around the corner to look at the clock, “- 8 o’clock at night?”

“Sure,” Iwaizumi shrugs.

“Yes,” Oikawa grabs some shoes and slips them on before he can even remind himself to distance himself from Iwaizumi.   _Well, I’ll start_ later, he convinces himself.  They take the elevator and walk out of the apartment while making small talk about their days, Iwaizumi talking about expanding his website more and Oikawa listening and smiling at his stories.  Their path winds from the sidewalks between their apartments all the way to a nearby park, where they wander under some trees and benches as the sun begins to set, dyeing the sky a deep indigo.

“I’m still mad at you,” Oikawa mutters, looking at Iwaizumi out of the corner of his eye.

“What?” Iwaizumi demands.

“Because you stayed after I passed out on the couch and cleaned up _my_ apartment,” Oikawa explains.  “Why?  Why are you so nice to me and why do you go out of your way to do stuff?”

“What?” Iwaizumi repeats, breathless.  “Oikawa, I _care_ about you.”

“Why?” Oikawa retorts.  “I’m… I’m _me_ and you’re _you_.”

Iwaizumi stops walking.  “What does that even mean?”

“You’re so much better than me,” Oikawa continues, plopping himself down on a nearby bench.

“I’m-”

“You’re successful, you have your life together, you’re kind, you’re so-” Oikawa throws his hands in the air and clenches his fists, making a frustrated noise.  “I’m none of those things, and yet you still…”

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi sits down next to Oikawa.  He looks up at his given name, his eyes wide as his frustrations leak out.  “You have to stop beating yourself up because you’re gifted at so many things, too.  What happened to all your confidence from high school?  And, Tooru, I care about you because you’re my best friend.”

“I’m your best friend?” Oikawa whispers in disbelief.  “Hajime, I didn’t talk to you for _eight years_.  And you still call me your best friend?”

“You were my best friend for 15 years, I haven’t forgotten you in 8,” Iwaizumi says.  “I will always consider you my best friend, even if we never speak to each other… again.”  Oikawa is stunned into silence, and his mind is racing a mile a minute as their breathing fills the space.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hm?”  
“I’m sorry,” Oikawa repeats.  “I’m sorry I never reached out to you, I was just afraid that maybe things changed between us and… I didn’t know.  I was so afraid of-”

“I’m sorry, too,” Iwaizumi interrupts.  “I should’ve called you more and texted - dammit, I should’ve gotten fucking Instagram or whatever - I just didn’t want to hold you back.  Or, well, I thought I would hold you back.”

“Hold me back?” Oikawa breathes.

“You were-” Iwaizumi looks away with a mirthless laugh.  “You were doing _so_ well in college volleyball, I felt like I heard about you daily on the news or in sports magazines, and then you got recruited right in the middle of college.  And you were going so far, achieving your dreams and everything you’ve always wanted to chase down, and I didn’t want to step in and, I don’t know, mess things up.”

“You could never mess things up,” Oikawa says tentatively, placing his hands on top of Iwaizumi’s.  It feels so natural and calming when they’re touching, despite the jitteriness of Oikawa’s fingers.  “I just… wish I knew you cared.  I was too ignorant and afraid, I guess.”

“Afraid?”

Oikawa’s breath catches in his throat and the tears burning at the back of his eyes threaten to spill over.  This is his chance, to lay his feelings out for Iwaizumi, to put it all on the line.  He grits his teeth and pulls his hand back before continuing.

“I was afraid that I cared about you more than you cared about me.  And honestly, Hajime, my feelings for you have always been more than friendship.”

“Tooru-”

“I don’t know when it happened, but one day I just kind of realized, _huh, I think I ‘love’ Hajime_ ,” Oikawa says, looking at the grass.  “And I always just kept it hidden, because I was afraid to lose you as a friend and freak you out, and after meeting you again-”

A hand grabs Oikawa’s cheek, and he doesn’t even have time to gasp before Iwaizumi’s lips are on his.  Oikawa widens his eyes in surprise before they flutter shut, the grip on his cheek softening as Iwaizumi’s fingers trail towards Oikawa’s chin.  Their lips shift into a more comfortable position before moving slightly, matching each other’s tempos.  Oikawa grabs Iwaizumi’s other hand and holds on tightly, fearing that when Iwaizumi pulls away, he’ll leave.

When they do pull away, though, Iwaizumi looks directly into Oikawa’s eyes with a familiar fire Oikawa hasn’t seen in a long time.

“Does that make things clear?” Iwaizumi murmurs.  Oikawa practically leaps into Iwaizumi and wraps his arms around him, absolutely _relieved_ , and Iwaizumi’s arm hooks around his back.  They don’t move for a few minutes, just sitting together as one and breathing in each other.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

 

Oikawa is happy.  After years of trying to find his place in life, trying to figure out what he wanted, he’s finally found it.  His _home_ : right in Iwaizumi’s arms.  Their legs are tangled together and Oikawa cranes his neck to get a better look at Iwaizumi.  The sun barely illuminates the room through the curtains of the window, but he can perfectly make out every detail of Iwaizumi’s gentle, sleeping face.

With a content sigh, Oikawa rests his head under Iwaizumi’s, humming softly.  A hand wraps around Oikawa’s abdomen and pulls him closer to Iwaizumi, who groans softly.

“Good morning,” Oikawa whispers.  Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything, just buries his face into Oikawa’s hair and exhales deeply.  Oikawa turns so he’s facing Iwaizumi, and he gently kisses Iwaizumi’s chin, causing him to smile.  They stay like that for a few minutes, slowly waking up and holding each other.  Iwaizumi eventually sits up, and Oikawa reluctantly copies him, making his displeasure known with an ill contented groan.  When he opens his eyes, Iwaizumi is looking at him apprehensively

“Can I ask you something?” Iwaizumi says.

“Mhm,” Oikawa nods, leaning into Iwaizumi.  Iwaizumi hesitantly wraps his arms back around Oikawa.  After a few moments of tense silence, he blurts out-

“Why did you retire?”

Oikawa freezes in Iwaizumi’s arms; he knew this question would be coming - Iwaizumi knows Oikawa well enough to know he wouldn’t just _quit_ volleyball - but he was completely unprepared to answer.  He presses his face into Iwaizumi’s shoulder before leaning back with a sad smile, avoiding eye contact with Iwaizumi.

“Ahh,” Oikawa sighs.  “That.”  He nervously traces his fingers over his knee before Iwaizumi laces his fingers through Oikawa’s, silently encouraging him.  “It was going really great - playing for the national team, I mean.”

Iwaizumi nods.

“I know Ushiwaka and I aren’t best friends, but I got along with everyone and we had really great team chemistry,” Oikawa murmurs.  “It was amazing to be doing what I loved for a living, y’know?  But then there was this one day at practice…”

“Tooru-”

“And it felt really great.  I know I was good, but that day I remember reacting so well to every ball and tossing _so well_ for the whole of practice.  And then we scrimmaged for the last hour, and I began to notice a little ‘tick’ in my knee.”  Oikawa pauses, thinking about the vivid memory.  “But I always had weird little pains - all players do - so I kept going.  And we had this rule to not go for any risky balls, like blocking and spiking.  So someone received a ball that was really tight to the net, but I thought I could get it.  I jumped up and twisted to try and stop it while staying out of the net, but I felt a… I don’t know if it was a ‘pop’ or a ‘snap’ or both, but it hurt _so bad.”_

Iwaizumi presses his lips into Oikawa’s shoulder as Oikawa breathes out, his eyes fluttering closed.

“I tore my ACL, MCL, and meniscus,” Oikawa rambles.  “The doctor said even after the surgery, there was no way I could go back to playing professionally.  So I, um… became depressed.  I went back to college and stuff, but it was really hard for me.  I didn’t even realize I was depressed until Daichi began to worry more and more about me, and I’m really thankful for him, actually, because he encouraged me to go to a doctor.  I ended up getting a therapist and some medication, and I don’t take the medication anymore, but I still go to the therapist every other week.”

“I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi breathes.

_What?_

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.  “For not being there for you when you needed me most.”  His voice breaks slightly and when Oikawa looks at him, there are tears in his eyes.  “I wasn’t there, and I was too stupid to reach out to you-”

“Hajime,” Oikawa grabs his face to cut him off.  “Don’t apologize.  Please.  Please don’t apologize.  That was in the past and all the matters is that we’re together now, okay?”

“I can’t believe-” Iwaizumi pauses.  “-That I wasn’t there to help you.  I’m-”

“We’re together now,” Oikawa says.  “We’ll always be together, you and me.  We’ll help each other and carry each other, and when we have our downs we’ll take it on, and when we have our ups we’ll celebrate.  Please don’t focus on the past.”

Iwaizumi is still silent, their breathing the only sound in the room, before he leans in and presses his lips against Oikawa’s.   _How can a single action show so much love_ ?  Oikawa can feel the current of passion running from Iwaizumi into him as he brushes Iwaizumi’s tears away; Iwaizumi brushes his own tears - tears he didn’t know were there - away, and Iwaizumi smiles into the kiss before pulling away.  Oikawa smiles as well, quietly laughing as they sit on their bed, in each other’s arms, _together_.

“Hey, Trashykawa,” Iwaizumi murmurs.

“Hm?”

“Go make me a coffee.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all enjoyed this fic! it was so fun to write and pretty emotional, so I hope you guys like it <3 
> 
> ~
> 
> in regards to my ongoing fics,  College AU (Renaming Process)  and  Summer Leaves , both of the next chapters for each are in the editing process right now. thank you all for your patience~
> 
> ~
> 
> [ tumblr ](%E2%80%9Dhaikyuuliberos.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D)


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